My Mother Was Diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimers Disease

At 56 years old, my mother was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. Although this day still seems fresh in my mind, I can’t necessarily give the specifics of what the day was actually like. Looking back, it’s all so much of a blur. I’m Finally Ready To Talk About It.

I remember getting the phone call from my father. He gave me the confirmation that we had been anxiously awaiting after so many months of suspicion. 

Over the last year, she had seemed to be getting more and more confused. She was having a lot of difficulty finding words. Never in our wildest dreams did we truly believe it could be Alzheimer’s Disease.

Although a blur, I will admit that the next few years were filled with so much denial and avoiding the grief.

At this time in my life, I was newly married. I was living in a city that had always been my childhood dream.

Although my dream city, I was away from my family. Even with this new diagnosis, my denial was strong.

I kept on living my life as if nothing had changed. But it was always a quiet and small ‘reminder’ that was always present in the back of my head. I think I have always been in a state of shock.

It wasn’t until 2020, when the Covid-19 pandemic influenced our choice to move back home after having a new baby. Deep down I knew part of my reasoning to move home was because of my mom. I was secretly excited to be closer to her. But I quickly learned that I had missed a lot since the initial diagnosis.

The end of 2020 was rough for me, just as everyone else. It wasn’t until the beginning of 2021 where I knew I wasn’t grieving the way that I needed to be. I was hiding so much anger and grief.

I knew I needed to talk about it. But I didn’t know where to even begin.

I felt alone. I felt scared. I felt angry. I felt defeated. I felt guilty.

I didn’t know anyone else in my life that ever had to experience this. 

So I started going to therapy. 

During our first session I fought through the tears just trying to get words out of my mouth. 

“My Mom has Alzheimers. And I’m not coping with it well”. The tears immediately started falling, and it felt almost impossible to stop.

It has been almost 2 years since I first stepped in that office. Since then, I’ve learned a lot of coping skills. I’ve also even more about myself than I ever could have imagined. 

I’ve learned about my strengths and my weakness. I’ve learned that I don’t grieve the same as other people in my life. And that’s been one of the hardest parts.

I’ve never been ready to openly talk about this journey in fear of making me feel even more alone. 

But after 2 years I think I’m finally ready to talk about it.

Because I have learned that although it may hurt, speaking about it, writing about it, and being open about it is exactly what I need.  These are some my strengths, although terrifying.

I hope to use this as another space where I can openly speak and share. 

I want to speak openly about the struggles, the small moments of joy, as well as the indescribable pain that this journey has shown me.

This is a journey about losing my mother much earlier than I ever imagined I would have to. 

It’s my journey about grieving all the beautiful things about my mother all while she’s still here. 

It’s my journey about the struggles of fighting to hold on while fighting to let go.

It’s my journey about living my life and coping with being a new mom without any guidance from my own.

A journey I never in a million years imagined I would have to face.

This is my journey about my mothers diagnosis of Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.