What I Should Have Told Myself During That Bad Relationship

I’ve had my fair share of relationships in the past. Some in high school, and a handful in college. Luckily, after college, I had only one,  and I ended up marrying him. My first big heartbreak came from a pretty bad relationship. Looking back, this is what I should have told myself during that bad relationship.

When I look back at my previous relationships, I wish I could shake 19 year-old me and try to knock some sense into her. I definitely didn’t have the worst relationships on the planet, but one in particular will always stick out to me. I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak had I told myself these things during that bad relationship.

Here’s what I should have told myself during my bad relationship – and maybe you should tell yourself these things too.

If he wants to, he will

Words mean nothing if their actions don’t follow it. Although he may be attempting to make you promises for improvement, these words mean nothing without follow-through. When he says he wants to or that he will, he needs to prove it. If he wants to, he will. 

Stand up for yourself

I wish I could shake 19-year old me and yell right in her face. I was always encouraged to stand up for myself the older I became. Although I didn’t find the need to do that much in college, I would absolutely tell my 19-year old self to stand up for myself in this relationship. When he’s making you feel bad and trying to twist the situation to make it seem like your fault, stand up for yourself. No one should ever make you question your worth. Especially when the other person is 100% in the wrong.

Challenge him

Along with standing up for myself, I would tell myself to challenge him. Challenge his stories and challenge the ‘reasoning’ for his choices. Challenge his beliefs. It is more than okay to challenge someone, because it is important to know the truth, and you don’t want to be going around in circles. Your mental health will suffer because of the lies he is telling.

If there’s doubt, he’s not the one

The amount of doubt I had towards the end of the relationship should have been a huge red flag. But when you’re young and ‘in love’, the feelings of doubt can strangely make you work harder. The truth is, there is doubt for a reason. Listening to my heart and why there was so much doubt would have saved me so much heartbreak.  

No respect means no love

If the person you are in a relationship with doesn’t respect you, they definitely don’t love you. This goes for any relationship/friendship in life. Respect is a great indicator of love. Unfortunately this wasn’t the last time I would feel disrespected. Feeling respected and loved should be a top priority in your relationship.

Don’t confuse lust with love

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, the confusion of lust and love played a huge role in my very first big heartbreak. Lust can really trick your brain into thinking that it is essentially the same thing as love. Newsflash to 19 year old me – it’s not. Love should be prioritized in your relationship, but only if you know the true meaning of love.

I could have saved myself so much heartbreak had I figured out these things before getting my heartbroken. But then I wouldn’t have learned as much about myself as I did. I wouldn’t have realized what I wanted in a relationship without this one going sour.

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