How To Be Supportive After A Miscarriage

Knowing what to say to someone after they’ve lost a baby can be extremely difficult. Unless you’ve been through the pain of a miscarriage, you may not know what to say to those friends who have unfortunately experienced that loss. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to say the wrong thing. But you may also not know what’s right and what’s wrong. You probably don’t know how to be supportive after a miscarriage.

After becoming a mom and experiencing the love that comes from having your own child, I can only begin to imagine the pain women experience when they have experienced a miscarriage. A I know imagining the feelings don’t  even scratch the surface of the real pain. If you know someone who has experienced a misscarriage, here are a few ways to be supportive. 

Let them talk and just listen

You may not know what to say if you have a loved one who has recently experienced a miscarriage. If you don’t know what to say, it’s probably best to let them talk and just listen. They are probably filled with feelings and emotions that they can’t necessarily describe, but it is important to let them talk when they are ready to talk. Having your ears and heart available to listen to their feelings is a great way to be supportive. 

Don’t give any advice

Unless you have been through the experience of a miscarriage, it’s best to not give any advice. And if you have been in their position, what works for you may not work for them. Grief is a tricky thing, and everyone deals with their grieving experience differently. Instead of giving advice, let them talk and listen to their words. Sometimes all someone needs is someone else to be there and listen. 

Check in, but give them their space

The frequency of your check-ins should be up to you and your relationship with the person who had a miscarriage. If they are your best friend, it’s probably best to check on them pretty often. But make sure to not overwhelm them. Send a message or make a phone call and tell them you are thinking about them and reassure them you are there if they want to talk. Maybe send them flowers on important dates, (mothers day, due date, anniversary, etc). Check in on them but also give them their space to come to you.

Be Available 

It’s important to understand that everyone grieves differently. Keep reminding them that you will be there when they are ready to talk. It may take them a long time, but eventually they will come to you… but if they don’t, that’s okay too. This is a journey you will never understand unless you have been through it yourself. Keep showing up and keep being supportive. She will come to you if and when she’s ready.

If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage it’s important to be supportive in whatever way feels right to you. But it’s also important to communicate with the person who has experiences such a loss. Ask them what they want, if there’s anything they need, or if there is anything you can do to make it easier.

Maybe they want daily check-ins until the pain gets easier.

Maybe they want help distracting themselves during the week. all they want is for someone to listen.

Maybe they won’t want to talk about it

Maybe they will wait 3 months until they start discussing it, but they will still be closed off

Regardless of what they want, they all need compassion, support and love.

If you are still unsure what to say, providing them with online resources may be another great option to help their grieving. Postpartum Support International provides resources as well as a help line for those who are struggling and need support, connection, and information.

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