Happy 3rd Birthday To My Son

3 years ago I was anxiously anticipating his arrival into this world. 

I had so many unanswered questions. From giving birth to the first few months of his life, I wondered what it would be like to finally call myself a mom.

Would my labor be rough? Would he be born with a full head of hair? Would my motherhood instincts be automatic? Would I enjoy motherhood? Would I struggle with postpartum depression?

I thought of it all.

But I never thought of the amount of love I would have for another human being. Sure, I had heard about the indescribable love that happens once you have children. But I didn’t know if that would actually apply to me. After all, this pregnancy definitely wasn’t planned.

Even though this was the biggest surprise of our lives, and I struggled with fear and doubt for the majority of my pregnancy, being a mom was everything I never knew I needed. But I definitely never anticipated how emotional it would be watching him meet milestones after milestones. And these are especially hard on his birthday where he is getting another year older, and another year closer to not needing me the way he used to. 

To My Little Boy On Your Birthday,

You are officially turning 3 tomorrow. It was you that made me a mother. You are the one who stopped me in my tracks and changed everything for me. You have provided me with so much anxiety, fear, doubt and pain. But also immense happiness, love, joy, and humor. 

Motherhood is not an easy journey, and once you become a parent, you will know exactly what I mean.

You have given me so many firsts. 

You have given me indescribable confidence, love, and heartache filled with anxiety.  

The confidence I never knew I had inside of myself. 

You have shown me a love that I never knew existed. 

And an anxious heart that will live inside of me forever. 

This past year you have really let your personality shine through. You are kind, yet stubborn. You are playful and energetic, silly and clumsy. You are adventurous, helpful and strong. I couldn’t have crafted a more perfect child for our family. 

Braden, you have been the hardest, yet most rewarding gift of my entire life. I never knew it was capable of loving another human the way I love you. You have changed me for the better, and I love being your mother. I promise that I will always do my best to keep you safe and healthy as long as I live. You have always been my pride and joy, and I can’t wait to see what this upcoming year has in store.