Postpartum Month 1 And 2
I always heard that you will never be truly prepared to have a baby. Or how to anticipate postpartum life and raising a newborn. And I believe only 75% of that is true. I anticipated labor and the contractions being absolutely terrible, (and believe me, they were). I anticipated the healing process being rough (and again, it was). But I never anticipated exactly how rough both labor and the healing would be. And when it comes to newborn life, I expected pretty much everything that I have experienced. Here’s a Recap of Postpartum Month 1 and 2.
Labor and Delivery
Briefly touching on labor and delivery (I will have a completely separate post about that topic specifically, because believe me, it deserves its own spotlight). It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Whenever I would ask (or even when I didn’t), about what to expect and how painful contractions would be, I got answers that were all over the board. I was told that labor was a breeze for some, and the hardest thing ever, by others. And my experience was definitely the latter. They say that you eventually won’t even be able to remember how it felt. But it is still fresh on my mind, and probably will be for awhile.
Healing Postpartum
Despite how painful it was (in my opinion), I know I had it pretty easy. My labor was short (although it felt like forever to me), and it was a good ol’ regular delivery (contractions, epidural, vaginal birth). However I did not expect for the healing to be as painful as it was. Of course, imagining pushing a human out of you, it seems like it’s going to be pretty painful. Rightfully, one would be a little ‘sore’ afterwards. But what I didn’t expect was not being able to walk even hours after giving birth. I felt like I was at work, except I was switching roles from a therapist to a patient. Needing someone to hold onto me because I couldn’t walk safely to the bathroom. I needed to use a grab bar in the bathroom because my knees gave out from attempting to sit on the toilet. I also couldn’t safely transfer into a wheelchair without help from my nurse. Talk about slightly humbling.
Not only did standing/walking feel impossible to do, but the constant pain even from just sitting on the hospital bed was unimaginable. It is true that no one really talks about the ‘healing’ process after giving birth. I would not have been able to prepare myself for how hard it was to complete my daily tasks. Getting in/out of the car, using the bathroom, standing up from sitting down for too long, and even showering. I give a standing ovation for the mamas out there that have a Cesarean delivery. Because I know that healing process is probably 10x worse.
The Mental Shift
Despite the physical problems I was encountering, the mental shift I had to make within the first 2 weeks was also something I never expected. Sure I anticipated the lack of sleep and the constant need to be available to your newborn all the time. But it was still an adjustment that I really wasn’t ready for. There was some anxiety that I experienced about being a brand new mom, and sitting in a nursery at 2 a.m. I was feeling extremely alone, despite having someone you love so much lying in your arms. As much as I loved his nursery, and as much time as I spent imagining our son growing up in that room, this was the one room in our house that gave me so much anxiety within the first few weeks of being home.
It was the room that I spent so many late night/early morning hours in, feeding this new baby, extremely exhausted and just praying that he would fall asleep immediately after his feeding so I could take a nap as well. There is just something about a 2 a.m. feeding that just makes you feel extremely alone. Yes it is normal to feel extremely alone despite having someone you love so much sitting right next to you. I’ve come to learn that this is NORMAL. Luckily this anxiety quickly faded, but I still can step foot in that room and remember how anxious I was at almost every feeding, and how many tears were shed in that room from being so frustrated and exhausted while trying to get my baby to sleep.
Conflicting Emotions
Those first few weeks were filled with so many different emotions that I never expected, but now his nursery is my happy place. I look forward to putting him on his play mat, rocking him in his rocking chair, and putting him down for naps in his crib. It seems like life slows down within those four walls, and I am trying to enjoy every second of those newborn memories in that room because I know it isn’t going to last forever. I can definitely say that those moments that make your heart seem heavy, will eventually fade, and will be the same moments that make your heart feel fulfilled.
As the days go on, I am realizing how quickly time passes. He is growing up right before my eyes. Looking back at pictures from a few days after giving birth, to where he is now. I can’t believe how many changes have occurred in such a short amount of time. Being a new mom while living in a world that is dealing with a pandemic, is something I never would have anticipated. Being told to stay inside 24/7 is of course not an ideal situation for someone like me. I thrive off of sunshine and warm weather. But I am thankful that I have been able to find coping strategies that work for me and make me feel my best self because without them.
I know this postpartum journey would look a hell of a lot different. Overall, in a nutshell, the first few months were filled with a ton of change. Some I anticipated, and some that I didn’t. He truly is the best thing that has every happened to me. I can’t believe I was able to help create such a perfect little human that I get the pleasure of raising for the rest of my life. Overall, for being 2 months postpartum, I would say I feel GREAT. And I still feel ME.
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Postpartum Blog Posts