Tips To Reconnect After You Have A Fight

No matter how much we try to avoid having a fight with our significant other, it’s bound to happen more often than what we all probably want. As you go through life with your partner, life gets busy and buttons will get pushed. And sometimes, it can seem impossible to get back on the same page after a huge disagreement. If you find yourself in that position with your significant other, here are some tips to reconnect after you have a fight.

Go to bed mad in order to give each other space 

I’ve mentioned before in previous blog posts that my husband and I do go to bed angry. We’ve realized over the years that going to be angry gives us the opportunity to sit and think about our feelings. When we give ourselves the extra time to sit with our emotions, it prevents us from saying hurtful things to one another – because we may be too caught up in the moment to stop ourselves from saying anything hurtful (yes, it happens). It’s okay to go to bed angry, especially if it helps you and your partner prevent saying any hurtful comments.

Use the others love language

I’ve also talked about the importance of love languages in another blog post. If you don’t know your partners love language, encourage them to take the short quiz. Knowing and using your partners love language is a great first step to re-connect in the morning after you’ve had a fight the night before. If your partners love language is acts of service, make them breakfast or go get them a coffee. If it’s quality time, plan a breakfast date just the two of you the morning of. Acknowledging their love language and acting on it will make your partner feel appreciated, even if they are still a little angry.

Sit and talk about it when you are ready

Talking about your fight doesn’t have to be the first conversation you have the next day. It’s normal to still feel frustrated or hurt even after a good nights sleep. When you are both ready to sit and talk about it, find a quiet space with no interruptions. And if you’re still not ready? You can still go on with your day before discussing the fight. Sometimes my husband and I don’t talk about our fights until a few days after it’s happened. Giving each other plenty of time before sitting to talk about it will help you get through the discussion.

Reconnect when you are ready

Nothing will re-connect you more than doing your favorite things. For a lot of people, this can mean getting back into intimacy. I’m not saying jump right into make-up sex, (but good for you if you do!), but reconnecting sexually is a great way to feel re-connected back with your partner after a fight.

Do something fun together

If you’re not ready to jump right back in to being intimate, find something fun to do together. Plan a fun date night, or a movie night at home away from your phones and social media. Taking all the stressors out of life and having a few hours of fun together (which is probably how your relationship started in the first place), is another great tip to re-connect after you have fight.

Talk about triggers or what to avoid next time

I saw a piece of advice on TikTok (my favorite app), and decided to write a blog post about it because I think it’s the best relationship advice I’ve heard. It involves doing a weekly check-in where you sit down with your partner and discuss the previous week (your triggers, what they did right, what was bad, what could be better, etc). Sit down to talk about the fight. And then talk about the triggers and what can be avoided in the future. This is a great way to be proactive about future fights (because yes, they will happen). I definitely recommend using this weekly check-in outline after you have a fight and are ready to talk about it.

Fighting with your partner is going to be inevitable. And no matter how rough the fights may seem, you won’t be fighting forever. It might take a few days to fully ‘get over it’, and it’s okay if you don’t talk about it right away. Give each other space to be mad. Use your partners love language, do something fun together and talk about it when you’re ready. If you find you are your partner are struggling, these are great tips to reconnect after you have a fight.