Mom Guilt Is Real. And It’s Okay.
Knowing how compassionate of a person I am, and how I try to put others before myself, it was no surprise that I experienced mom guilt shortly after becoming a mom. I wanted to be the absolute best mom ever. And when I felt like I wasn’t, that was a huge punch to the gut. I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts that I suffered from postpartum anxiety, and with that came a lot of mom guilt. Especially when I returned to work. Mom guilt is real, and it’s okay.
What is Mom Guilt?
Simply put, Mom Guilt (and even Dad guilt) is the feeling that you aren’t doing enough as a parent. You may feel guilty or worried that you aren’t doing enough, or doing a good job at being a mom.
My first experience of mom guilt was when I was on maternity leave, struggling to get into a routine. Then I experienced again when I went back to work. And then again when I became a stay at home mom. And yet again when I decided to go back to work. Needless to say, I’ve had mom guilt for awhile. And I’m here to tell you it’s OKAY.
How To cope with Mom guilt
Take care of yourself.
I know we’ve all heard the advice about being on a plane with your children. They tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before applying it to your children. If you don’t have the ability to take care of yourself, you will never be able to take care of your children. The same goes for parenting. It is important and more than okay to take care of yourself first, because if you can love yourself, you will absolutely provide the best love for your children.
Ask for help
If you’re like me and struggle with completing the housework along with being a mom, ask for help. If you have a significant other, reach out to them and tell them you need help with specific tasks. If you have family members nearby, use them. Ask your friends if they are willing to help for an hour or two. Giving yourself some downtime to focus on just your child while not having to worry about the housework can be super helpful.
Recognize when you are feeling the guilt
Maybe there is something specific that is triggering this mom guilt you are experiencing. Pay attention to the times you are feeling guilty. There might be something you can do to stop the trigger, by simply changing your routine. Recognize the thoughts and feelings of guilt and also try to provide yourself with some affirmations and positive words. Mom guilt is absolutely real, and it is absolutely okay. But you want to make sure you are reassuring yourself that every feeling you are experiencing is normal and okay.
Find supportive people and keep them close
I can’t even begin to talk about the importance of having a good support system. Being newly postpartum the mom guilt might not be as real as it will be as your child gets older. But being newly postpartum it is so important to have a great support system around you. Your mental health can be hugely affected if you feel like you are doing this completely on your own. Find those supportive people and keep them close by.
Stay off social media
This is especially important if you follow a bunch of other moms online. You will find yourself playing the comparison game and this can be a huge trigger for mom guilt. Mom guilt can happen when you feel like you aren’t doing as good of a job as other women on social media. Or if your child isn’t hitting milestones the same way as another child. Stay off of social media or at least minimize the amount of time you are looking at other moms online.
Seek Professional Help
If mom guilt is really eating away at you, I recommend seeking some professional help. Sometimes you can do all the things right but your mind will still tell you that you are doing everything wrong. Therapy can be so beneficial in so many ways. There are therapists you can find through PsychologyToday that specialize in postpartum care. There is always someone out there that can help you. Ask for help if your mom guilt seems to be ruining this experience for you. But also know that you are not alone and that it is normal.