How to Fight Through Your Failures

I am someone who puts a ton of pressure on myself to be perfect, and whenever I feel like I’m coming up short, I can’t help but feel like a failure – even though that’s a pretty strong word to throw around. Over the years I have experienced plenty of “failures” (or what I would consider a failure), but I’ve been able to learn how to fight through them and move forward.  This continues to be a work in progress, and even though I follow these exact times any moment where I feel like I’ve failed, I will accept any failure that happens to me because I know I am not perfect and that all of my failures will eventually lead me to success while having growth in-between. 

Everyone in the world fails at something, and if someone says they’ve never failed? Well they can consider themselves lucky that they have avoided the heartbreak and emotions that come with failure, but you should also consider yourself just as lucky because you have learned far more than they have because of the lessons you’ve learned from your failures. You aren’t going to fail at everything for the rest of your life. Your failures do not define you as a person.  It is more than okay to cry, yell, scream, and do it all over again. 

I am someone who has failed a handful of times at various things in her life. I’ve been sad about my failures and depending on the severity of each situation, I’ve had my fair share of feeling sad, depressed, angry and unmotivated. But as I got older and I learned more about myself and how I handle these setbacks, I’ve figured out a healthy way to accept each failure and how to turn those setbacks into opportunities of growth and chances of success.

My biggest tips on how to fight through a failure:

First things first – I want you to sit and think about what a failure means to you. What is your definition of failure? Is it coming up short? Is it not reaching a goal you set for yourself?

1.  Define it for yourself: What is this ‘thing’ that you are considering a “failure”

Just because you may see this setback in your life as a failure, someone else may not.  You are going to determine your failure based on your own personal judgment. But it is important to turn your perspective around if you are finding yourself failing more than succeeding.  More often than not, you are probably just being too hard on yourself, and a change of perspective may be the solution you need. If you can’t shake this feeling, and you 10000% believe that this is something you FAILED at, it’s time to accept the failure as part of the process.  You need to learn how to accept this as a ‘failure’  in order to get better and improve. 

2. Embrace your emotions and take time to grieve

Maybe you failed a test or didn’t get into the school you wanted. Maybe you didn’t get your dream job, or you had a long relationship end. Whatever failure you’re experiencing, you need to take the time to grieve. You are allowed to feel every emotion you are feeling. Anger, sadness, doubt, frustration, etc. Let it out – but don’t let it take over your emotions for more than a couple days.  You can’t change the past, so there is no need to sit and sulk in your emotions.


3. Accept the timing of your life

There is a reason that you “failed”.  However you may not figure out what the reason is for a long time. tIt could be months, it could be years, or it could be just a few days.  I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and I have had so many experiences in my life where life has truly shown me that I am not in control and that fate has a higher power. It is time to accept this failure and don’t let it stop you from beginning again. You will need to start over and put yourself out there again, so accept your failure and get ready to let it go: 

4. LET IT GO

The result may not have been what you anticipated – but it will do you no good to dwell on that failure for longer than a few days. It is important to remember that you control the things you can control. You can’t turn back time and change the outcome, but you can work harder towards your future.

5. Give yourself grace

Allow time to pass by and let yourself heal. Some failures may knock you off your feet for a few days, and that’s fine. Don’t ever feel like you need to get back in the game tomorrow. Take a few self care days because you probably deserve it.  Take yourself out to dinner, make your favorite drinks, and go treat yourself to a new outfit. Go do something that will make you happy, and something that will allow yourself ‘time’ to heal and re-energize.

6. Confide in positive people

You don’t have to go through your failures alone. Reach out to the people in your life who will love you and support you no matter what. If this specific moment in your life is something extremely heavy and even after a few days you aren’t feeling any relief – you may need more time to heal. But you need to keep those positive people around. If it means turning to a professional, try it. If you are motivated to climb your way out of the hole you feel like you are stuck in, seeking professional help might be the helping hand you need. 

7. Make an plan

Figure out what your next step is and how you can try your best to prevent “failure” next time around. Does that mean you are never going to fail again? Absolutely not. You are going to fail plenty of times in your life, so this definitely won’t be the last. But you need to make a plan that includes steps to help you have a more optimistic and successful approach. Don’t assume having a “plan” is going to prevent you from failing, because it definitely won’t. But it might help guide you to reach more success than the previous attempts.

Check out some of my other mental health related blog posts here!